The Free-Dumb Fighter

Ok. Now that I’ve enlightened you on the four Vedas, let’s skip on to the “WEIRD FRIENDS” part; let’s move on to someone more crazy, but in a very subtle way. We’ll call this guy the “free-dumb” fighter, because he stood for what is right….. and WRONG. Yes, you could never argue with him on his beliefs, and if you did, he would bring you down to his level, and then prove you wrong. Rightly so, his first name meant PRIDE. Here I shall mention some of our favourite endeavours with him.

From an indirect source, I got to know about this guy’s entry into our school. Yes, the world spread like wildfire. But, all said and done, the free-dumb fighter had a huge impact on the very first guy he introduced himself to. The reaction of the other was priceless, and was worth a DSLR camera shot. This was how the introduction went by:

“Hi, My name is ****** *****. How are you-who are you-what are you?” The speed at which he asked this question surpassed that of light, and would have got Einstein putting his thinking cap on to derive a new formula for the Theory of Relativity. I think the person at the receiving end of this amazing question from the free-dumb fighter must have been a reincarnation of a hybrid form of Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa, because apparently, the free-dumb fighter did not end up dead after this.

He had no trouble getting physically abused either,  when he was slapped by a teacher after the free-dumb fighter demanded that the Unit Test papers were evaluated, when every other sane student was praying that these papers get burnt in a wildfire or something. The intriguing part was that the free-dumb fighter never meant to “demand”, but his amazing choice of words from the English vocabulary led the teacher to think so, and the rest was history.

Google is the most comprehensive search engine on the web, and I doubt if anyone would refute my view. We crave for Google, because without it, we would have seen a rise in the suicide rate of college students, in lieu of not submitting their projects and assignments, and ultimately, a huge pile of arrears.

                       But the free-dumb fighter’s craving for Google was more intense, an intensity of great passion, a thirst for knowledge. He wanted Google all for himself, and there was no stopping him. Even if the poles got interchanged, he would have stuck to his craving with the utmost dedication. He approached a friend of mine, Subbaraman, lovingly known to all as Subbu. Subbu was known to be a very calm person, and who would get irked only if the situation asked for it.

     So like I said, he approached Subbu. With a never seen before fire in his eyes, he spoke out the golden words:

“Subbu, can you copy Google into a floppy dishk and give me?” (Yes, that’s how he pronounced disk)

The reaction from Subbu was the exact reaction a lion would give if it had hair pulled out from its nostrils. An assortment of “holy words” flowed like the River Ganga out of Subbu’s mouth, only to have the least impact on the free-dumb fighter, because he apparently did not understand the “holy words”.  The free-dumb fighter walked away in a subtle manner, perhaps to a greater land of wisdom, but the “not to be ever seen again” phrase won’t be used here, because we saw him every single day of our school life, till the very end.


Later.

The Four Vedas

Yes, it is 2:31 am right now. And I don't suffer from insomnia. And after this post, I'm probably going to watch a movie or so. I'll start off with stuff from my 9th grade, when crazy was a word being chanted all along. 9th was the time I came across a lot of weird people in my life, from teachers to friends and foes. Since I assume we're going to have youngsters read this, I'll stick on to the weird "teachers" part. 

Starting with my Physics teacher, who apparently knew the Four Vedas and was also the vice principal of our school, this man was well.. umm... yeah, weird. From having weird footwear combos, like "bathroom slippers with socks", to half tucked formal shirts, he introduced to us absolutely new terms in Physics; terms which the world wouldn't have even dreamt of hearing of. Yes. For instance the symbol "ω" was introduced to us as JUMBOO, when all along I'd known to pronounce the term as O-Megha. Yes O-Megha. For one thing, it definitely sounded way better than JUMBOO. Seriously, jumboo? It reminded me more of a name for a dog in Eastern Africa. He insisted on using that term time and again, which really got on many of our nerves. As for me, people like this tend to be targets. Yes, I was a criminal. A heartless one. A criminal who commited crimes not in vengeance or sadism, but crimes at the so called "cute" level. Along with my partner in crime, Nitin Roy, I accomplished crime. Now that I've used the word "crimes" a little too many times, let's skip on to the details of the "crimes". 

Let's get back to the soul who knew the Four Vedas, or the "Jumboo-man", the name by which he shall be known henceforth in this post. Not only did he introduce to us the divine "Jumboo", he found an explanation for the word "Attendance". When this happened all I asked God was, "Why?? I mean, why?". The weird part: He split the word into three parts: At-Ten-Dance. None of the three words have even the most microscopic relation with the original word, but Jumboo-man was apparently an ambassador for Adidas, with the tagline "Impossible is nothing, bachon" For those of you who don't know, bachon in Hindi means Children. And yes, he did derive a relation from At-Ten-Dance to Attendance. I faintly remember the relation, as he'd explained it in a very matter-of-fact way. I don't know, something to do with the students coming  AT TEN o' clock and doing the SALSA DANCE. I swear, I will never figure out how he related this to the word Attendance, and I don't want to.


I remember one late evening when Nitin and I ended up at the doorstep of his house, and asked for his daughter's hand in marriage, without having the slightest clue as to whether he had a daughter or not. And not so surprisingly, he agreed to the proposal. Echoes of the loudest forms of laughter filled the campus where we stayed, and the rest was history, and it should probably remain a mystery. We figured that he had trouble pronouncing words with the letters "V" and "W", when he explained to us all that light is an electromagnetic "BABE". He sure made the subject hot, didn't he?

My birthday. What a special day it is for me. When in school, we had the habit of wearing casual clothes on our b'days, and distributing sweets to the staff and our classmates. Nitin accompanied me while I gave away sweets, going from class to class. Finally we reached the principal's chamber, where Jumboo man was sitting alone. I went up to him, proudly wearing my brand new Blue Peter England Shirt and Levi's jean to offer him sweets. He looked up at me, AND Nitin, who was of course in his school uniform. And yes, he looked up at me, and the subsequent words that came out of him were enough to make my day. He gave me a calm and hypnotising look, and asked in Hindi, "Kiska birthday hai? (Whose birthday is it)?". This question jammed my brain, and Nitin probably ended up half dead behind me. Curiously, I believed that I'd made it pretty obvious to the whole school that it was MY birthday, since I was wearing the blue shirt and holding the candy box in my hands, but jumboo man drowned all that belief with a single, yet subtle question. But that single question was enough to stun both Nitin and me to an apparent coma.

Such was one of the characters who I came across in life, and I cherish these memories.

Wait. The most harsh way teachers find to punish students is to beat them or cane them. But jumboo man was different. It wasn't physically impaling, yet it was venomous.  He did just one thing, and that one thing was enough to make you regret doing the mistake you were about to get punished for. He did not beat, he did not cane, he did not slap, neither did he shoot a bullet.

Just one little thing, and the area of impact was the forehead. Just one little thing he did......

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He kissed. 

Later.

What in the world is this?

People,
It's just this one random day at around 3:45 am, when most sane people would be snoring their lives out, that I decide to start writing about how my life has been taking twists and turns. I don't mean this blog to be a a boring autobiography (Pardon me if it seems so. On second thought, I don't care :D ). Rather, I'd like it if people who read this (if not many), would enjoy atleast a few tidbits in between, where I portray some crazy moments of my life. You can keep pondering over the title of the blog, and it'll become clear as to why I named it so as you read on. Let's just hope I'm not lazy enough to write stuff in here. This is no Harry Potter story or a Sherlock Holmes mystery. This is just life as I know it. Believe me, it's crazy, and weird. 




And yes, fun.


Later.